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Go Ahead, Call Me A Slut

One of the wonderful things about my Becoming Babelicious program are the questions of participants. Today, we had a discussion about Slut Shaming and Rape Culture, and how they affect our ability to confidently own our sexuality. To me both of these stem from shaming sex and sexuality, going all the way back to The Bible and used by patriarchy to disempower all of us, especially womxn.

Shame around sexuality has disconnected us from our bodies and to falsely believe that natural functions which can be incredibly life affirming and beautiful are wrong and should be regulated and hidden. And because sex is hidden it is used to other and control people. Shaming sex leads to lack of open discussion about healthy sexuality, endangering people’s lives and health, and weaponizing sex for manipulating or injuring others. This shame dynamic around one of our most basic needs harms all of us. And makes me SOOOOOOOOO MAD! I couldn’t tell my group where my ideas around the importance of honoring sex as a delicious, healthy and nurturing began. My parents didn’t discuss it much, though they did kiss a lot, I had some cautionary tales from older cousins, and the blessing of very loving partners when I became sexually active. As I got older I’m pretty certain a good number of people would have labeled me SLUT. Honestly, I don’t care. As in all aspects of life, I feel that if you aren’t harming yourself or anyone else, do as you please. I haven’t always been totally thoughtful of partners or of my own needs, that’s an ongoing learning. But I’ve been very comfortable living my (sex) life for enjoyment and fun.

My keys to this have been: * Communication with myself and with partners. You must check in with yourself to understand what is right for you and your needs. You absolutely cannot be in a healthy situation if you refuse to have initial and ongoing discussions here.


* Experimenting in spaces where I feel safe. If something was good for me and the other person, great! If it wasn’t my thing, great! I won’t yuck your yum. I’ll let you know with tact, and I’ll continue onto a space that matches my needs.


* I hold my boundaries firm, without apology. I don’t seek to please others to my own detriment. I won’t be happy and satisfied and that will show up in the bedroom and probably other places. I decide who I share this energy with, whether it’s smiling, talking, touching, actually having sex -- it’s my choice and I’ll shut you down in a heartbeat if I even sense that you won’t honor that.


Essentially, I refuse to let my sexuality be shamed. I know it’s the life force that keeps all of us going. I refuse to believe that something so natural and critical to our survival is inherently bad and wrong.


I refuse this shaming for others too! My performance and instruction are all about celebrating sexuality in its many forms and expressions, and ensuring that womxn feel safe sharing their sexuality. In our world being a womxn and loving your sexy self enough to share it with others is still radical -- which is honestly sort of insane to me!


So call me a slut, I’ll probably smile.


Drop a heart if you’re with me, and if you’d like a safe space to start exploring this energy please join my Reconnect with Body Magick FB Group.


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